After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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