Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize