Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
