This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
