drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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