Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
