I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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