her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
