she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
