my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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