Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize