I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
