when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize