My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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