just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
