he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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