Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
