There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
