im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
