I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize