actually, I'm a sock model
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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