I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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