I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
