The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
