Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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