it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
