I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
