would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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