I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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