You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
where am i from again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
