But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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