Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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