Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
