I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
