I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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