I hate your face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
