I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
