so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
