Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
