they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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