I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
