He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
