Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
