he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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