pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
