I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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