a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize