i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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