i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
