i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
