gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
