There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
