Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
