Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
