Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
