If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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