what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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