And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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