Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
