You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
