His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
