tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
