my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
