im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize