Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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