Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
