did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
