Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize