I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
