theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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