You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
