so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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