dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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