Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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