sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
