If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
