I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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