theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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