It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
