Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
