just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
high people should be assigned attendants
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize